Life is Bliss …even when the shit hits the fan
by Markus 'giles' Koehorst on Jan.20, 2010, under Salome, the first one, Villa de Leyva/Colombia
She had fallen asleep on my bare chest, all her muscles utterly relaxed. The intense peace emanating from her tiny body was pervading my being. The gentle gusts of air from her nose were like shallow ripples on an otherwise motionless ocean of bliss. I was allowed to experience a little piece of the heaven that had until very recently been her home. At that moment, it was abundantly clear to me that Maharishi was right:
“Life is bliss”
…. even when the shit hits the fan.
...my one month old daughter
I am talking about my one month old daughter, Salome. The shit hits the fan quite literally with her. Just minutes earlier, she had presented us with one of her pungent explosions. For full effect, she likes to wait until her nappy is removed before she relieves her bowels. Maybe it is the sensation of free air around her nether regions that prompts the joyous release. It is certainly effective. She hasn’t quite learned that we like to keep those kinds of substances under wraps. That kind of realisation comes later in life.
I am 53, a songwriter and musician from Holland, with a reasonably successful translation business in England. Last year, I relocated to Colombia (South America), to live with my new partner Greys, her 11 year old daughter Vanessa (pronounced Banetha), and her Cocker Spaniel called Ramon (more about him soon). We recently moved to a very stylish house in the centre of Villa De Leyva. Villa De Leyva is a picturesque Colonial-style village high up in the mountains, 3 hours north of Bogota. As long as I have internet, I can run my translation business from anywhere.
...next to me on stage...
Every two months or so, I travel back to England, to spend time with my English kids, and to play some gigs with my blues rock band GILES, mostly in Norway. Sometimes, we play in France, Germany and England. Power trio GILES features me on lead guitar and vocals, and I write most of the songs. My second son Piet plays bass and sings backing vocals. It makes me feel incredibly proud to see him next to me on stage. Our friend Terry plays drums and contributes fashion sense. We have the best time on our little tours. It is like going on holiday, but you get to do what you love most, and they pay you for it! Life is good.
Salome, my one month old daughter, has Down Syndrome, be it slight. A pre-birth scan in a hospital in Duitame had already revealed abnormalities in her heart months earlier. The doctor told us that this was usually linked with Down Syndrome. Of course we were eager to dismiss this since the doctor was “very young and inexperienced”. A very brave man indeed, to inform us that our baby “might not be perfect”. A psychologist later explained how there would be a “process of acceptance” for us.
...took a picture, and left
I need to admit to something quite awful here. When I first saw our newborn baby, at the intensive care unit (I hadn’t been allowed at the caesarean birth), seemingly without a care, but with the appearance of Down Syndrome visible in her little face, I felt quite detached from her. This was a new experience for me. I had held all of my five other children in my arms for hours, talking and singing to them, and enjoying the pure magic they brought, straight from heaven. But Salome was different, and I didn’t feel like holding her. I just stood there for a while, took a picture, and left, feeling very sad. I even found myself thinking that it might be better if the doctors were right and that she wouldn’t make it. I feel quite sick when I think about that now.
After the initial rejection, Salome quickly stole my heart, just like my five other kids had done previously. Salome is a fighter. She ignored the quiet whisperings of doctors and specialists, about her abnormal heart, irregular chambers, extra valves and forked aorta. With the help of mother’s milk she grew stronger and healthier by the hour. After several days, the specialists conceeded that she would not need surgery after all. After a week, her pulmonary hypertension had practically disappeared, and they removed the oxygen tube from her little nose.
With the help of mother's milk...
Somehow, Salome managed to make her abnormal heart and aorta work for her. She was glowing with health, absolutely gorgeous and simply delicious in every way. People marvelled about her beautiful clear complexion and refined features, calling her a “muñeca” or ‘doll’. No-one seemed to notice her Down Syndrome and so we didn’t mention it. We grew to love and respect her for her individuality. At times, we found ourselves wondering whether in fact the doctors were all wrong and she didn’t have Down Syndrome at all. At other times, we could clearly see it in her little face, and there was no mistaking, but it no longer mattered. We took her home on New Year’s Eve, 10 days after her birth, to start the New Year with a great sense of new life and hope.
Over the years, I have come to the conclusion that the main purpose of having children is so they can help you grow in ‘unconditional love’. I consider unconditional love to be the highest form of love. It elevates the heart towards enlightenment, and eternal freedom from bondage. Powerful stuff, literally. Babies are especially good at this. The devotion that most parents shower on their helpless offspring, regardless of what they get thrown back at them, is truly remarkable. You wouldn’t take that kind of shit from anyone else.
I love all my kids, and I miss them terribly when I don’t see them for a while. I am enormously proud of their many talents and achievements. They are well-adjusted, wonderful human beings, with their own lives to lead.
Salome is different. Like all children, she is an angel, a soul straight from heaven. But she was born in a body with Down Syndrome. It makes her extra special. She needs me, and I will be there for her, especially when the shit hits the fan.
Markus ‘giles’ Koehorst
PS Your comments are most welcome, please see below
20 Comments for this entry
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March 6th, 2010 on 10:02 am[...] Greys didn’t seem too impressed. To her disappointment, her palm-reader had no information about Salome whatsoever, and charged 4,000 pesos (about £1.30 or $2) for what amounted to very general noises [...]
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January 24th, 2010 on 10:27 am
Your comments are most welcome. I have received many private messages, but it would be really nice to start some comments on here too.
Thanks!
January 24th, 2010 on 10:36 am
Whow! you really described Salome beautifully.I really like the honesty.They say children with downs is sunshine children.They bring you alot of happiness.She just need lots of love and understanding.I know that you and Greys will do a good job in raising her.She is actually an angel send from heaven to you.
I think you did a good job in this writing.well done!
January 24th, 2010 on 10:39 am
Thanks for your sweet comment Rachel, much appreciated.
All the best and keep in touch!
January 24th, 2010 on 3:33 pm
Hi MArk
What an intense and moving story – you have really been challenged and your acceptance of the special needs this precious bundle of joy will bring is very touching. I hope that you and Greys will have great happiness in supporting this new soul in our world – all children bring their special gifts and we can never anticipate just what’s round the corner.
With all love
Graham
January 25th, 2010 on 5:49 am
the other comments page has disappeared! And the stuff about you. hmmmm….
Anyways, I’ve just watched ‘stop breaking down’ on here. Sweet recording. ‘I love my baby, ninety nine degrees’!
January 25th, 2010 on 6:08 am
Hi Seb, not sure why the comments are not visible on the other pages any more. Might be something to do with the new theme not working in that respect. I have been trying to correct it. This theme seems to have quite a few bugs unfortunately. I hope it is worth sticking with it.
January 25th, 2010 on 11:01 am
Dear Mark and Greys …. That was a nice read. Congrats on the angel.
Rudolf Steiner (Austrian philosopher, social thinker, architect and esotericist) said:
“…. Those suffering from Down’s syndrome are considered to have ‘a particular mission, bringing the gift of their own heart forces unhindered by intellect and ambition to compete. Their very posture when in repose is like that of the Buddha.’ Steiner saw it as a special grace to be granted the gift of such a child. Because of their gaiety and warm love, Down’s Syndrome people are seen as the archetypal Gestalt of man before the Fall and consciousness of good and evil…..”
http://www.sun-at-midnight.com/excerpts_search.page?search_for=camphill%20communit
January 25th, 2010 on 11:17 am
Thanks John, and what a lovely quote. Great to have that on here!
January 25th, 2010 on 11:42 am
You can now subscribe to the comments.
January 25th, 2010 on 3:23 pm
Dear Mark,
I would like to acknowledge the quality of your article. The writing is delicate and stirring and your honesty must be recognized and admired.
Salome has Down’s syndrom but she also has a loving and caring family. She already knows that she’ll be getting all the support needed to go through any hurdle. And we both know that this is what really matters. Unconditional love, unconditional support.
Salome will grow up and develop her own personality but don’t forget that her background plays a major role in her construction. Never let anyone put her down, never let anyone tell her she is different or she can’t do this or that. Children are stronger than we think and they are capable of achieving grand goals. They have resources that one could not even suspect, a sort of hidden strength and optimism that will encourage you when you feel like hopes and dreams are far away. Like all your children, Salome is your lifebelt.
Much love
Fiona.
January 25th, 2010 on 4:41 pm
What a moving story. I imagine your daughter has helped you to the world through new eyes which is such a wonderful thing! She sounds like a great soul. I know you will cherish her and every advancement she makes as she grows. Good luck and congratulations to you, your partner and all your children!
Cordially,
Avery
January 25th, 2010 on 10:03 pm
Thank you Avery and Fiona, for your wonderful comments!
January 26th, 2010 on 6:01 am
Hi Mark,
Your story is touching because of the straight forward honesty. You describe your feelings very well and one can fully understand how you felt and feel now. Many people must have experienced the same feelings but have not been able for whatever reason to open up to the outside world.
You are now in peace with the fact that your daughter has her own unique personality and your commitment and love ‘splash from your words’. I am sure she will have a great future in a loving environment.
Thanks for sharing.
Your style of writing is great, by the way!
Take care, in all aspects! Kor.
January 26th, 2010 on 6:38 am
Hi Kor, great to hear from you, and many thanks for your lovely comment. It would be great to meet up again soon, either in Holland or the UK.
January 26th, 2010 on 8:48 am
what a thoughtful and moving way to let everyone know your news. I wish you all joy with Salome
January 26th, 2010 on 1:13 pm
Hi Mark,
What a moving and candid story about Salome’s arrival and with it your broadening experiences of fatherhood and unconditional love. Thanks for sharing.
Shayna
January 27th, 2010 on 8:41 pm
Hi Mark,
What a lovely and wonderfully honest rendering of your new journey. Salome truly is an angel, and I know she will receive all the love, caring, and guidance she will need from you and Greys. It’s always been obvious to me how much you cherish fatherhood, and it’s even more obvious now.
Thank you for sharing and for leading me here to your site.
PEACE!
debbye
January 28th, 2010 on 5:58 pm
Honest, thought provoking, touching and uplifting all in one go!
Congratulations Mark and Greys on the new addition to your life together. May you all learn great lessons from each other and I hope that your days with Salome will be filled with happiness.
John’s Steiner quote was excellent and apt!
Look forward to seeing you in Skelmersdale at some point (perhaps even in the dome?)
Much love
Aidan
January 28th, 2010 on 6:52 pm
Many thanks Aidan, Debbye, Shayna and Chris for your wonderful comments.
Much appreciated!
March 10th, 2010 on 8:16 am
Hello. fine job. I really would not really foresee this kind of blogs on a Wednesday.